I smashed Robin's fingers in the door as I dropped her off at Tim's house. What a great way to start her first day there. Not only did she sob because of her fingers, she clung to my skirt and screamed as I walked away. ASSHOLE MOM. I feel so terrible. I am trying to get work done but mostly I'm just worrying about her :(.

If I'm on the edge of some big life-changing decision or shift that will be huge and good. I feel so burned out right now and it feels like something is brewing.

I'm really pissed about it, too. And its just a bonus on top of a night when Holly wanted a boob in her mouth 24/7. So, hey. Did I ever say something dumb like Holly was a different or better sleeper than Robin?

I really hate my husband right now, because he is asleep, and he gets to sleep every night.

So my IUD got placed and it was and is no big deal. The anticipation was the worst part. The placement itself was uncomfortable but quick. I've had some mild cramping (not even as bad as my worst regular cramps, I'd say) and a tiny bit of spotting. I honestly don't even notice a thing different. So I'm hoping it stays this way and I can give it two thumbs up. Only BAD thing is that she trimmed the strings a little short and due to the way the thing is sitting, she can't visually check it's placement, so I have to get my first ultrasound to check my birth control in a month :P.

I'm angry.

Went to the doc earlier this week for a checkup and to talk about getting an IUD. I'd heard iffy things about this doc (gave bad BFing advice) but she's convenient to our house so I went with her anyway. I kind of liked her, she was nice and I felt like she was good at flagging potential problems. She asked me a lot about the fatigue I experience and talked to me about options for dealing with potential depression (and highlighted counseling and yoga/exercise before saying that a low-dose antidepressant was also an option). I guess my thyroid is a little prominent so she had some bloodwork done (I guess it must be normal, they were supposed to be back yesterday and she said she'd call if it was abnormal... but maybe she's busy). She's also checking my vit D levels and some other stuff as well. She recommended that I lose some weight (but was sure to ask me what weight I would feel comfortable with and that I could maintain). I mean, yes, I'd love to weigh 130 instead of 150, I just don't know when I'll squeeze this yoga and exercise into my day. But I will try to at some point in the next whenever. I know she's right, I *would* feel better. Ugh, stupid good advice.

She agreed that I'm a great candidate for the IUD, gave the whole spiel, and then said "sometimes they won't approve it for contraception but will approve it for menstrual problems, so, have you had any problems with your period?" And I was like "yeah, it's really heavy, right?" which was funny. So once it gets approved I'll get it inserted (weirdly nervous about this). I'm really excited about having a condom-free sex life. Now if I could only manage to be awake enough to have sex...

Holly's sleep is crappy! I think I broke her. I think I made the same mistakes I made with Robin and now she'll only sleep 45 minutes at a time and freaks if there's no boob in her mouth. FUCK. I don't know how to fix this, either, without making her cry, and Holly's cry BREAKS MY HEART INTO TEENSY PIECES because she is SO SWEET AND LOVING. She seems to take it really PERSONALLY that there's no boob (whereas Robin just seemed insulted). Siiighhh.

She's sitting up on her own for a minute or two at a time. Still a little unsteady but really close. She's so excited about this. She's getting mad when I put her in the Bumbo :P.

How do you work out the "division of labor" in your relationships? Who does what around the house/for the family? Especially if one or both work full time?

I have tried a little harder lately to get Robin interested in potty learning to no avail. I think she's going to be a late one. She knows what it's for and still couldn't care less. She screams to wear her diaper. It's just like the damn toddler bed that she hasn't cared about, either. But Holly has pooped on the floor naked two mornings in a row, so dammit, I'm going to save up swagbucks and get her a little potty and try to have ONE kid not in diapers full time!

mastitis

Robin has slept through the night 2 nights in a row. She wakes at 5:45, but still. Holly is pretty wakeful but that's ok. Progress is progress.

She's super nice and thought it was cool I had a homebirth. Sold!

April flew by.


I gave Robin her first haircut on Easter Sunday. She had her hair smartly bobbed. I bribed her with TV and a chocolate bunny.




Holly's new skills include putting her feet up on the bouncy seat, squealing like crazy, holding her head up really well, allllmost rolling over and alllllmost laughing. She can also hold toys well and is chewing on them (and her thumb!!) madly. This is partly because she is ALREADY TEETHING!! Her bottom 2 teeth are just below the surface.


Becoming little buddies.


On a walk with Dada.


Robin loves painting. Watercolors are pretty clean and easy to clean up.


Holly displaying an inherited loyalty to the Cubs with the stuff Janine sent both girls!